Many people want to help a fearful cat and offer her a forever home. But despite good intentions, such a cat can still be a challenge. I have had ‘scaredy-cats’ in my home for over twenty years. My heart is with these kitties, so here’s a blog with my (non-exhaustive) tips on helping a scared cat.
Time to settle in
Of course, it all starts with time to settle in. Give the cat her room, so she can get used to you and her new environment in her own time. Go in the room regularly, sit down at a distance, and read to her. Your quiet reading voice will help her to relax and build a bond with you. As a next step, you can engage her in play sessions. But what if your cat already shows up but runs away at every move? Or simply remains scared or skittish? The tips below are meant for adult cats, not for kittens that still need to be socialized.
To pet or not to pet?
For some people, “being able to pet the cat” is an important goal. I disagree. The most important thing is that the cat feels safe and can relax when you are around. Not every cat is equally fond of petting, so that shouldn’t be your priority. If you keep trying to pet your cat, you are probably violating his boundaries. Because the most important thing for a frightened cat is: space!
Helping a fearful cat: creating space
Try to create a calm, stable environment without tiptoeing around. Give your cat space. Let her do things at her own pace and also literally give her space by providing enough hiding places and perching areas.
Giving her space can also be very concrete. For example, if you meet your cat in the hallway and she crouches or cringes, stand still and take your eyes off her. Talk quietly (thanks to the previously described process of getting used to you, she recognizes your voice as something safe) and let her choose: walk away or engage with you.
Body language
So watch your cat’s body language carefully and act accordingly to what you see. The more the cat feels that you understand her, the faster she will gain confidence in you.
In the same vein, don’t look at your cat intrusively. Follow her out of the corner of your eye and give her a nod (“slow blink”) regularly.
Building routines
Frightened cats are masters of observation and immediately notice when something is different from usual. You can’t always avoid this, but by installing fixed routines with your cat as much as possible you offer her structure and security. Let feeding and play sessions be preceded by a fixed ritual, so your cat knows what is going to happen.
If you are sitting on the couch and want to get up while your cat is in the room, talk to her quietly first so she is not startled by your sudden movement. If you turn on the espresso machine, announce it. It sounds silly, but that way your cat won’t be surprised by unexpected actions or sounds.
Temptation!
An essential part of the whole process of getting used to you is …. the temptation! Offer treats regularly (deduct these from her daily ration of food, otherwise you’ll have a whole different problem) so you can entice the cat to come near you and leave her hide-away behind the cupboard. Throwing kibble around the room, one piece at a time, is a fun game (see also below) and as such very useful. I know people who lay a trail of kibble across the room towards the sofa or cushion where they sit. This way they lure the cat to come to them. All temptation is allowed, as long as the cat likes it!
Helping a fearful cat: playtime
Perhaps the single most important routine you can establish with a cat is regular playtime, preferably twice a day (or as many as you can fit into your routine, it doesn’t always have to be long). Cats produce dopamine during play, which makes them feel good. This feeling continues even after you stop playing. Start very gently, with a laser pointer, for example. I share all the objections to laser lights, but they are very useful in this situation because with little movement from yourself you can still let the cat play without scaring her.
Once the cat enjoys this kind of play, use a small fishing rod or something with a long stick. Again, start carefully, with small movements. Once cats “lose” themselves in the game, they dare a lot more. Moreover, they get used to the sounds and movements you make. Because they feel good while playing, they learn to deal with these a lot faster.
The right toys
For scared cats, it is best to choose small, light toys. I find the Cat Dancer ideal for this, it already moves without you having to do much yourself. Avoid toys with a heavy mouse or large ball at the end, that’s usually too much for a scaredy-cat. The same goes for heavy balls or objects that make sounds when they roll. Keep it small!
Catnip & Co.
Some cats love catnip or valerian root. You can use these to make toys more attractive or you can sprinkle some of it on a towel. Let kitty roll to her heart’s content!
Never punish a fearful cat
Please: never punish a frightened cat, nor use a raised voice! To begin with, a cat does not understand why she is being punished. By punishing her, you become unpredictable and the cat will begin to distrust you. All your hard work for nothing…. If she shows behavior you don’t want, like scratching your couch, for example, offer her an alternative like a suitable scratching pole, and reward her when she uses that alternative.
This is very scary!
The longer the cat has been with you, the greater the chance that she gets used to the smells, the movements, and the routines in the house, as long as you allow her to do this at her own pace (we call this process “habituation”).
Fearful cats that have not been well socialized can remain afraid of unexpected sounds or movements throughout their lives. This is almost impossible to change. The best you can do is hope that through your calm, loving approach these fears will diminish.
It may also be that the cat is afraid of a specific sound or object. In that case, you can start training very specifically for that particular sound or object.
Training
You do this by very gently bringing the cat into contact with what she is afraid of. For example, you record the sound and play it very softly in the vicinity of the cat, while you give her a treat (“counterconditioning”). You turn up the volume in small steps, while you keep rewarding (counterconditioning and desensitization, for the fans).
Be careful with this, you can also do it wrong! When in doubt, ask for help from someone who knows this training method well.
If your cat is used to a certain sound, you can then tackle something else that she is afraid of.
Safe place
A frightened cat needs a safe place. This can be your bedroom, for example. It is a place where she will never be bothered, where no visitors are allowed to look under the bed for her, where you will not try to catch her etc. Whatever happens, that’s where the cat will be safe from everything and everyone.
Helping a fearful cat: extra help
Sometimes extra support can be a good idea. There are many remedies on the market, from Bach Flower and homeopathy to herbal mixtures. I prefer the natural behavior supplement Zylkène (75 mg) since I have had good experiences with this product. Another advantage is that you can give it easy and stress-free: you open the capsule and mix the powdered content in a lickable cat treat, cat milk, or something else your cat fancies.
I am not a fan of Feliway. Especially because in my practice I have experienced several times that cats become restless and nervous when a diffuser is placed in a room, I do not recommend it in situations like this.
Helping a fearful cat: ignoring fear?
Paying attention to a fearful cat means that you are rewarding the animal and thus reinforcing the fear, says common “knowledge”. Have you ever noticed that your fear of the dentist becomes more intense when a friend responds empathically to your fear? Probably not, because that’s just not how it works. If your frightened cat seeks your attention, please give it to her. Ignoring fear is unnecessary, cruel, and outdated.
What about petting?
Of course, you can try to pet your cat when you feel that she is ready. While playing with a stick that has a feather attached to it, you can try to touch her from time to time. Eventually, of course, the goal is to be able to touch a cat to comb her or look at her feet. Usually, that will come as your cat becomes more familiar with you. But petting as such is not the primary goal!
Finally
The above tips are general tips, meant to give you a good start. I am sure I have forgotten some tips!
Every cat is different, some are more afraid than others or afraid of different things. Above all: look at the individual cat, what she needs and how she reacts to certain things. Some cats are “converted” pretty quickly, others need much longer. And some cats suddenly make the ‘click’, walking around from one day to the next as if they had never been afraid. Be patient…
There is nothing more rewarding than helping a fearful kitty crawl out of its shell!
Photo: Gundula Vogel @ Pixabay